Ignorance is Not an Excuse

People in the disability community tell me, “People just don’t know what they don’t know.” 

“You have an opportunity to educate others.” 

“If they never experience it, they have no idea. People just don’t think about these things.”

Or my favorite, “They don’t mean any harm.” 

I go day in and day out bombarded with ignorant people and ignorant comments. It’s tiring and exhausting. It’s hard to go out into the world and be constantly reminded and pointed out that you’re different, weird, that something is wrong with you, or you’re fragile. This is of course not true, but it’s what the majority of the population thinks (in my opinion). 

The fact is, they are causing me harm. I don’t see myself how others see me. I see myself as a 20-something year old, living her life, having fun, and being the best version of herself. I see myself as incredibly independent, strong, hardworking, a dog mom, and a good friend. My spirit does get dwindled by people’s comments and reminders of how they see me as something different. 

I take a deep breath and pretend the comments didn’t bother me. I smile at them and nod my head, keeping quiet. I have a good sense of who will actually take my educational conversation to heart, or whose it’ll go over their head. And frankly, I am tired most of the time. I don’t have the energy to educate every single person on how to treat a disabled person with basic respect. I don’t want to. It’s not my job. Me living my day-to-day life is hard and tiring enough. 

Recently, I was told I was an inspiration for leaving my house. I get this comment constantly. It’s infuriating. I’ll be out, laughing, enjoying life, and someone will say, “It’s so good to see you smiling and laughing!”

Like, no duh! I’m not miserable all the time and do not hate my life. What I hate are people like you. While yes, it is difficult to leave my house, it’s not because of me. It’s because of the ableism of the world. I have to have enough energy, typically have a caregiver accompany me, figure out my driving situation, and the accessibility of a place. Those are circumstances outside of my control. 

What I can control is my attitude. So, yes, I love to laugh and enjoy the little things. That doesn’t make me motivational or inspirational. For simply existing. Now, if you actually got to know me, and all the things I’ve overcome, then you can comment on that. 

But strangers giving me hugs, praying for me, or fawning over me because I’m smiling is not okay. It’s patronizing. It’s demeaning. It’s dehumanizing and harmful. We live in an age of technology and have access to information at our fingertips. We have never been at a time where the most diverse experiences, viewpoints, and people surround us. And are easily accessed through technology.

I am not black. I will never be able to say I know what it’s like or I completely understand. It’s not my experience. I’ve taken the time to read books from the perspective of a black woman's experience. Such authors such as Maya Angelou, Angie Thomas, Frederick Douglass, and more. These perspectives are from different times, places, and ages. These books I have read have greatly educated me about the oppressions black people face. And again, I can’t ever say I know it all. There’s always opportunities to learn and grow more. I have become more aware and educated on the history and culture of black people in America. I’ve talked to my black friends and listened to them. I’ve researched different movements and culture.

So why can’t people educate themselves about disability? There are thousands of books, social media influencers, movies, nonprofit organizations, and more to bring more disability awareness to people. A simple Google search will suffice. Every disabled person’s experience is different and we all have our different viewpoints. We are an extremely diverse population with a rich history and culture, that very very few know little about.

I’m tired of everyone excusing ignorant and rude people. Saying that well, I just don’t know. I don’t know anyone with a disability. There’s a difference between simply not knowing but wanting to know, and being flat-out rude. It’s time others think about disabled people’s experiences, even if they don’t go through it themselves. That’s what makes life so grand. Hearing others’ stories, experiences, and struggles. It connects us all as humans. We all go through these moments and once we educate ourselves, we learn we are more alike than different.

My physical therapist told me in PT school she had to spend a day using a manual wheelchair. The experience taught her so much. Although, I HATE when people say, oh I broke my leg once so I know what it’s like. That is not the case. Using a wheelchair for an injury or a day can provide a glimpse into the struggles I face. A very, narrow, small part of my daily lived experience. 

But, you’ll be slightly more educated and aware. And once you’re more educated and aware, you’ll start to make little adjustments and notice little things. All of my PCAs say they learn so much when they have this job of things they never thought of. How ableist it is to use the handicapped bathroom stall when it’s not needed. How people park in the striped parts of a parking spot so my ramp can’t get out. How people use the elevators when they can walk up the stairs, so I’m stuck waiting forever until the elevator clears. 

Disabled people want others to be in solidarity with us and recognize our struggles. Our stories are waiting to be told. Our voices are waiting to be heard. We’re out there. All you have to do is look around and listen. Don’t let ignorance or lack of information be the reason you don’t know about another rich culture and history of the human experience.

Become an ally and support disability rights. Advocate for access to healthcare and Medicaid. Although disability doesn’t affect you right now, it can later. Or a loved one. Anyone can become disabled at any point and we all grow older. 

Encourage others to learn about disability. In a previous blog post, I write about children reading kids books on disability, even if they don’t have a disability. Small changes and observations can make a huge impact. Read a blog or go to a speaking event. Sign up for a local disability rights gathering. Look up social media influencers with disabilities. There’s millions of options that you can choose from to become more aware.