Celebrate Your Wins. No, actually

Another beautiful envelope slid out of my mailbox with cursive calligraphy. I knew what it was. Another wedding invitation. Another baby shower. Another engagement shower. I was so excited and honored to be invited to these monumental celebrations for my friends. A huge milestone in their life and change, and they wanted to share it with me. 

My fridge is covered with invitations of smiling couples and my calendar is getting booked for weekends months in advance. Don’t get me wrong, I’m elated for these celebrations and find joy when others are joyful. I also pride myself on being an expert gift-giver and get so happy to see my friends’ faces when they unwrap the perfect gift. However, amongst these celebrations I attended, every woman was partnered with someone. I was typically the only single one at weddings, showers, or childless at baby showers and kids’ birthday parties.

A pang of hurt would hit me when I realized I felt like the odd one out. When everyone was talking about their birthing stories, how they got engaged, or what arguments they’ve had with their spouse. I couldn’t relate to any of these conversations. I would sit there politely, nod my head, and keep myself busy with eating food. 

I see those quotes everywhere on my social media saying you should celebrate your wins and they don’t look like everyone else’s. I never understood why only couples getting married would receive housewarming gifts. When I purchased my home, I had hardly any money to buy furniture, kitchen supplies, towels, etc. I made a registry because hey, owning a house in this economy is expensive! It’s a huge deal and why shouldn’t I let others know? 

Sometimes we have these wins that we don’t post on social media, don’t send out invitations for, or let everyone know. Things like getting a job promotion, breaking up with a toxic ex, filing your taxes, or paying off your student loans. Why are these huge accomplishments not celebrated? We just do a little happy dance by ourselves and then, the party's over. That’s it. Cue the balloons popping and confetti floating away. 

I’m 28 and I just got tired of seeing engagement after engagement. Pregnancy announcement after pregnancy announcement. (Who else can relate to this?) What about those that are struggling to get pregnant? Or those who choose to discover themselves? Yes, yes, we’ve heard a million times that everyone is on their own timeline and journey. But where are our Insta-worthy parties? Where is our cake and gifts?

All of them were a joy to attend and going to all of these beautiful showers showed me a lot of my friends were former Personal Care Attendants (PCAs) for me. I hired a team of college students and managed them all on my own when I first started my freshman year at UGA. I would have between 10 to 12 PCAs that I would schedule, hire, train, and handle their pay. This is a huge responsibility for an 18 year old. I was scared shitless. Everyone would be older than me. I was just trying to succeed in my classes, let alone worry about someone calling out because they were sick or some other disaster that happened constantly. 

I had recently become reacquainted with some of my former PCAs from even my first year of college! I started in 2014 and I went to my former PCAs’ (now sweet friends), weddings, baby showers, and engagement showers. A spark ignited in me and I realized, 10 years of being a manager of PCAs is a historic accomplishment that others don’t experience. To not only be an efficient manager (I was always taken care of in some way), but also be a true, close friend with my PCAs 10 years later. 

They witnessed some of my lowest moments, me scrambling to figure out life and being an adult, to some of my greatest joys of learning to drive a car or getting a scholarship. I used to be embarrassed that my PCAs were actually my friends. I thought I couldn’t hire people and pay them and have them genuinely enjoy my company. It just doesn’t work like that. It would cross lines I would tell myself. Over the years, I’ve learned how to communicate effectively, make my expectations clear, be more patient and compassionate, and organized. 

How many people can say they led a team of 10 people and hired them, scheduled them, and trained them? They were brought into my life as young college girls who simply needed a job. So, 2024 marks 10 years of me being lifelong friends with my PCAs. That is an amazing, tremendous, enormous milestone. I wouldn’t be who I am today without my PCAs. They have taught me what true friendship is, love, caring for others, and being a positive person.

I’ve messed up plenty of times. But it’s all been part of learning and I’m so proud of how far I’ve come in not only my leadership skills, but also these rich friendships I’ve maintained. So, I will be celebrating this huge accomplishment in an unforgettable way. And I can’t wait to share it with you soon.

To be continued in December…